Ka-poo! The Man, The Enigma, The Legend.

Ka-poo! in his natural habitat.

Ka-poo! Man? Myth? Robot? For countless years the mystery that is Ka-poo! has gripped our nation in such fascination that he's become detached and isolated from humanity. This creature, elegant and brilliant at times, has had his fair share of corruption and evil in his life. Born to a yeti in 1967 he emerged from the icy depths of Fargo North Dakota a confused and irrational creature. From there he traveled across the nation attempting to find his place in the world, but despite his best efforts he only found trouble. Upon arriving in Utah in 1969 he began practicing polygamy and obtained 12 wives. These wives, gorgeous and interesting on the outside, were actually cold heartless women who stole everything Kaleb had and took advantage of his good nature. After his 12 wives reaped the benefits of his kindness they burned down his home and left him for the guy on the show Sister Wives. Ka-poo! then left Utah embarrassed, ashamed and humiliated, but he knew that there was good still left in the world.

During his days with The Jesus Christos

In his search for good Ka-poo! traveled to Hawaii and fell in love with a hula dancer. The hula dancer, who's name was Kaluiierriii Izereelleeoiii, bore Ka-poo! seven children. These children went on to become famous movie stars and successful business men. But like most things in the world, his happiness had to end. His faithful wife caught HIV from a toilet seat and died of AIDS a short while later. Distraught, Ka-poo! left Hawaii in search for a relaxing  and prosperous future.  He thought he found this when he started his music career in Seattle Washington. He formed a band called, The Jesus Christos and made two successful EPs that gained popularity around the Seattle area. After getting offered a record deal the other band members kicked Ka-poo! out and replaced him with a fellow they called Kurt. The band then changed their name to Nirvana and the rest is history.

Hella fucking balls to the wall awesome

From there Ka-poo! moved down to the town of Albany and enrolled in a middle school. Since he had never taken any formal schooling he felt that middle school would be a good place to start. There he met his future partner in crime Seabass? They began playing music and quickly became best friends. To avoid suspicion Ka-poo! moved into a house close to his school. The family, impressed with his charm and dashing good looks, accepted him as their own and have raised him like a son. Ka-poo! despite his secret life and dark past has made a name for himself in the town of Albany; he still keeps in contact with his kids and pays his 12 wives alimony. 

Gods greatest gift to mankind

Now we must ask ourselves, has this mysterious, lovable, fascinating creature impacted the world for the better? Has he used his great knowledge and sexyness for the greater good? Are the stories about him even true? Does he even play guitar? Can he prove he's a U.S. citizen? Can he manipulate the stock market and get rich off of lies and deceit? Can he make excellent eggs? Is he even able to ride a bike? The answer to these questions are out there, beyond somewhere beyond the great beyond. And only you can find out the truth by accepting Ka-poo! and loving him for the adorable and cuddly creature his truly is.